Monday, November 17, 2008

Welcome to Mal-Wart... please check your brain at the door...

I have to ask the question... do people check their brains with the greeter when they walk in the door of Mal-Wart? Or is it just their common sense and courtesy they leave behind?

The Hub and I rounded up Googie and Soupy for a big shopping trip to our local Grande Mal-Wart on Sunday afternoon. When we make this big trip, The Hub and I each take a kid and grab a buggy. Keeping Googie and Soupy separated usually works out in our favor. It serves another purpose, we can split the list and each try to tackle it from opposite ends of the store.

So, you'd think that would make our shopping trip shorter, right? Yeah... notsomuch.

It seems, at least at the particular Grande Mal-Wart in my neck of the woods, people use it for a meet and greet of old friends. Aisles will get blocked 2 and even 3 buggies deep, as people chat away with long lost friends and family members. During their gab sessions, these people are seemingly oblivious to their fellow shoppers, trying to squeeze by to get their institutional sized jars of pickles, mayo and nacho cheese.

So yesterday, Soupy and I needed to get a couple of cans of beans. We couldn't. The Hickville family reunion was in progress on Aisle 10. I stood behind MawMaw Hickville for about a minute, with, I'm sure a LESS than pleased expression on my face. There was a line of people on the other side of the grocery carts waiting to break free and continue their shopping trips.

Finally MawMaw glanced behind at me... and expressed complete and utter shock that there was actually ANYONE else shopping in the store on a Sunday afternoon.

"Why didn't you tell me to get out of your way?" she laughed in my direction.

"Oh, I don't know, I thought maybe the 7 other people waiting would have clued you in, dumb ass," I said with a huff as I marched by pushing my buggy.*

The woman looked at me with shock and then begged my forgiveness, claiming temporary insanity because of all the rollbacks on 2lb bags of pork skins and 3 gallon jars of pigs feet.

I told her to go and spread the word that Mal-Wart was not to be used as a reunion location and that there were plenty of nice venues for such events around town.* She promised she would indeed spread the word to all who would listen... *

I continued on my merry way as Soupy shouted out "beans- beans-beans!" We got our beans and moved on through our shopping trip. And all was right with the world.

*The events in the exchange above are greatly exaggerated. But it was a nice daydream!

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